We are forever greatful for our friends and family that have been there for us! They have given emotional and physical support as well as donating much needed things!
2 hours ago
Friday, July 3, 2009
FYI
As many of you know, we lost our home in a fire back in March. I, obviously, have not been posting. There has been too much to do; as we are rebuilding & replacing our possessions. I am eager to get back to the blogging world but it will have wait to a bit longer.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
It's about time!
Let's see... it's going on 3 months since my last post. I've been trying to decide what to post. I have only created a few things lately. Life has been anything but boring around here. This might be complete self-sabotage, but I've decided to open a part of my life to you...um, the whole world!
The hard part is figuring out where to start. You could say the beginning, but 1969 was too long ago! So, I'm starting with this...I have battled depression since Junior High. Some people think that that it's a choice you make or something that you can control and it's definitely NOT!
This may come as a shock to those who do not "know" me and to those that do, well, I'm sure they're thinking "OMG....She's finally gone off the deep end!" No, I haven't. I'm just tired of wearing a mask, making excuses and beating myself up about it. Maybe it's because I'm nearing middle age or it could be that I'm tired of trying to figure out what "normal" really is.
My battle is just not with depression but also with ADD. I was diagnosed years ago, as an adult, and it answered so many questions I had always had. I was not an A student in high school or college (which I never finished) , but always heard "You have so much potential"... After learning about my ADD, I realized that I really did have potential. I just didn't know how to achieve it.
I still have problems, even with medication, with achieving my potential. Have you ever sat in a room with someone who takes control of the TV remote & just flips through the channels so fast that you can't even see what's on? Well, that's sort-of how my mind works, the channels are constantly changing at a million miles a minute. I find it difficult to focus on one thing. There are so many things running through my mind that I often just shut down. It's just too hard to pick one thing. Even when I do find that one thing, something else seems to creep into my thoughts and distracts me. It doesn't matter how important something is or how badly I want to accomplish something, it just happens. This is extremely frustrating!
There is also a flip side to this. It's called hyper fixating. There are times when I do focus on something & nothing else matters. Like looking for a recipe or finding that perfect embellishment for my crafts. I have been known to turn my house upside down & inside out because of this. I have also driven to every store within a 50 mile radius to find that one thing. This is also extremely frustrating!
I have so many ideas, plans, dreams, etc. that I feel like a failure when none of them gets accomplished. This is where the "beating myself up" comes in. I ask myself, "Why can't I be normal? Why can't I be the Super Mom that does it all & with 4 kids? Why can't I keep a clean, organized house? Why have I let myself go down hill?" It's really just a vicious cycle. Especially since the ADD & depression "feed" off one another.
Most people only see me with my mask on. They don't see the sadness, frustration or total chaos that I live in. My mask seems to be more like what I used to be...fun-loving, self-confident and funny. So, I've realized that hope is not lost. That that part of me still exists. I'm not lazy, stupid or insane (legally*Ü*). I'm not worthless, hopeless or incapable.
Even though I may not be able to control my depression & ADD, I'm NOT going to let it control me any longer! I've been trying several different medications and might possibly need to try another. I know that I will find what works for me, I just can't give up. Dealing with this, at times, can be financially difficult. We are self-employed and have no health insurance. The meds I'm on are $204 a month...that would depress anyone! I just have to remember, meds are more important than stamps!
My husband of 16+ years has been so understanding. I would have left me a loooong time ago! He is the most patient man I've ever known! He works so very hard to provide for us. Not only for our "needs" but also our "wants". He travels extensively and most weeks is only home for 1-2 days. There are also times when he's gone 2-3 weeks at a time. I know he is always "there" for me, even when he's not here. He deserves the "old" me just as much as I do.
I think that coming to this self-understanding will not only benefit me, but those I love most...(and the rest of you too *Ü*). My son, 11, has ADHD. I'm finding it easier to deal with him as I'm healing myself. There are days though!! My son also has an eye disease, Uveitis. We've been dealing with this for almost 2 years now. Things have gotten worse lately and I know it's difficult for him. I know if I don't make changes within myself that things will only be worse for him. I need to be strong for him. I need to teach him that even when things seem like they can't get any worse, there is hope. If he sees that I can make the "bad" better, so can he!
So, when that SWAP is a little late, that email/phone call isn't returned right away or my blog is lacking...please remember it's nothing personal or not that I don't care...I just haven't gotten to that channel yet *Ü*
Writing this kinda gives me a sense of liberation! I have a wonderful amount of support! My husband, my parents and my friends! I want to thank you all for NEVER giving up on me...even when I gave up on myself! You all mean more to me than you will EVER know!! ............I REALLY need to go to the bathroom now!
PS I hope I haven't frightened anyone away or lost any friends over this!
The hard part is figuring out where to start. You could say the beginning, but 1969 was too long ago! So, I'm starting with this...I have battled depression since Junior High. Some people think that that it's a choice you make or something that you can control and it's definitely NOT!
This may come as a shock to those who do not "know" me and to those that do, well, I'm sure they're thinking "OMG....She's finally gone off the deep end!" No, I haven't. I'm just tired of wearing a mask, making excuses and beating myself up about it. Maybe it's because I'm nearing middle age or it could be that I'm tired of trying to figure out what "normal" really is.
My battle is just not with depression but also with ADD. I was diagnosed years ago, as an adult, and it answered so many questions I had always had. I was not an A student in high school or college (which I never finished) , but always heard "You have so much potential"... After learning about my ADD, I realized that I really did have potential. I just didn't know how to achieve it.
I still have problems, even with medication, with achieving my potential. Have you ever sat in a room with someone who takes control of the TV remote & just flips through the channels so fast that you can't even see what's on? Well, that's sort-of how my mind works, the channels are constantly changing at a million miles a minute. I find it difficult to focus on one thing. There are so many things running through my mind that I often just shut down. It's just too hard to pick one thing. Even when I do find that one thing, something else seems to creep into my thoughts and distracts me. It doesn't matter how important something is or how badly I want to accomplish something, it just happens. This is extremely frustrating!
There is also a flip side to this. It's called hyper fixating. There are times when I do focus on something & nothing else matters. Like looking for a recipe or finding that perfect embellishment for my crafts. I have been known to turn my house upside down & inside out because of this. I have also driven to every store within a 50 mile radius to find that one thing. This is also extremely frustrating!
I have so many ideas, plans, dreams, etc. that I feel like a failure when none of them gets accomplished. This is where the "beating myself up" comes in. I ask myself, "Why can't I be normal? Why can't I be the Super Mom that does it all & with 4 kids? Why can't I keep a clean, organized house? Why have I let myself go down hill?" It's really just a vicious cycle. Especially since the ADD & depression "feed" off one another.
Most people only see me with my mask on. They don't see the sadness, frustration or total chaos that I live in. My mask seems to be more like what I used to be...fun-loving, self-confident and funny. So, I've realized that hope is not lost. That that part of me still exists. I'm not lazy, stupid or insane (legally*Ü*). I'm not worthless, hopeless or incapable.
Even though I may not be able to control my depression & ADD, I'm NOT going to let it control me any longer! I've been trying several different medications and might possibly need to try another. I know that I will find what works for me, I just can't give up. Dealing with this, at times, can be financially difficult. We are self-employed and have no health insurance. The meds I'm on are $204 a month...that would depress anyone! I just have to remember, meds are more important than stamps!
My husband of 16+ years has been so understanding. I would have left me a loooong time ago! He is the most patient man I've ever known! He works so very hard to provide for us. Not only for our "needs" but also our "wants". He travels extensively and most weeks is only home for 1-2 days. There are also times when he's gone 2-3 weeks at a time. I know he is always "there" for me, even when he's not here. He deserves the "old" me just as much as I do.
I think that coming to this self-understanding will not only benefit me, but those I love most...(and the rest of you too *Ü*). My son, 11, has ADHD. I'm finding it easier to deal with him as I'm healing myself. There are days though!! My son also has an eye disease, Uveitis. We've been dealing with this for almost 2 years now. Things have gotten worse lately and I know it's difficult for him. I know if I don't make changes within myself that things will only be worse for him. I need to be strong for him. I need to teach him that even when things seem like they can't get any worse, there is hope. If he sees that I can make the "bad" better, so can he!
So, when that SWAP is a little late, that email/phone call isn't returned right away or my blog is lacking...please remember it's nothing personal or not that I don't care...I just haven't gotten to that channel yet *Ü*
Writing this kinda gives me a sense of liberation! I have a wonderful amount of support! My husband, my parents and my friends! I want to thank you all for NEVER giving up on me...even when I gave up on myself! You all mean more to me than you will EVER know!! ............I REALLY need to go to the bathroom now!
PS I hope I haven't frightened anyone away or lost any friends over this!
Sunday, December 7, 2008
A Quickie & Blog Candy Alert!
I know, I know.......I've been slackin'!! Just a quick memo that I am working on some project pics that I will be posting soon & a Blog Candy A-L-E-R-T.
Check out this blog.....Creating from the Heart!
Melissa has WONDERFUL creations and a really cute Blog Candy Offering!!
I promise things will liven up! I just need to prioritize & manage my time more wisely!!
:)smiles(:
Sunday, November 23, 2008
MORE Blog Candy!!
My good friend, Barb, over at FosterDesignHouse is offering up some SsssWeet Blog Candy! You won't be disappointed, her creations ROCK!!...so does her candy! Go check it out & Good Luck!
*** WoooooHoooo *** My FIRST Award!!
I'm so excited to tell you, I received my very first award!! It was given to me by KellyRae, an Angelhood4 Sister of mine! Her comments warm my heart & help keep me motivated! I love visiting her blog & seeing her latest creations!
THANKS KellyRae!!!
Now, if I can only do what I'm supposed to.....WITHOUT screwing it up!! LOL!! If you know me, you know that I'm not very good about following rules.....but I'll give it my best shot!! LOL!
The rules for the Encouraged Blogger Award are:
1. The winner may put the logo on their blog. (I did.)
2. Put a link to the person who sent you the award. (I did.)
3. Nominate 5 blogs. (See below.)
4. Put links to their blogs. (Just click on their name.)
5. Leave a message for your nominees. (done.)
1. Barb
2. Keri
3. Martha
4. Suzanne
5. Melisa
OK, let's hope I did this right! Go check out the blogs & get inspired, motivated and even some giggles!
:)smiles(:
*** Blog Candy Alert ***
Hey all!
I found a really great blog & she's offering Blog Candy! Her name is Debbie & she is in the UK. She has some really beautiful things!! Be sure to check out her blog, passionforcrafts. Good Luck if ya try for the Candy!!....AND if ya win, LET ME KNOW!! :)
Recipe Correction....short & sweet
A friend of mine, Beth, was making the Pumpkin Pie Surprise & had a good question.....Which size can of evaporated milk?
**You need the 12oz can**
If any of you try this, please let me know how ya liked it!
:)smiles(:
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